Funny Life Quotes

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

Abraham Lincoln

"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk."

Doug Larson

"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

Isaac Asimov

"I consider myself a crayon. I may not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture."

Lauryn Hill

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."

Bill Watterson

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"

Charles M. Schulz

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

Oprah Winfrey

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."

Margaret Mead

"It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone."

Andy Rooney

"The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life."

Frank Zappa

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."

Will Rogers

"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

Jack Benny

"Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different."

Bill Watterson

"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."

Will Rogers

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."

Lily Tomlin

"The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present."

Bill Watterson

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."

Casey Stengel

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

Elbert Hubbard

"I was wise enough to never grow up while fooling most people into believing I had."

Margaret Mead

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."

Mark Russell

"I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations."

Bill Watterson